He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so much tequila, so little girl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
