i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
