Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
