Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He has the fingertips of a God
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