We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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