And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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