I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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