Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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