Plan B is the new Plan A
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
