I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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