Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How naked do you want me to be?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
