And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
