How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
