I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
