just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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