I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
