Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
