Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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