My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
