PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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