There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
