I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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