Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
