Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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