I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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