dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
