Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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