never play flip cup with pint glasses
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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