Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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