Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
