4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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