Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
only you would photoshop your dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
