My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
