my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
