I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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