bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize