Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
