i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
