I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it fun? or sober?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
