So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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