Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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