You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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