No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
