I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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