shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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