I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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