why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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