I look better un-naked...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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