hell yes lets make some ravioli
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
