we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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