its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
