So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I smell stomach acid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
