girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
