So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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