marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
