He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
