Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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