He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
