i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
