When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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