So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
