your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
