Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
