So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
