Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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