i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
