I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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