Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
