Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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