There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
