So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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