Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
