I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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