hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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