please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
