I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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