dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
