Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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