Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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