it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Four minutes until I can fart!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
