So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
two words...techno handjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
