she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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