Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
