Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i think im in europe. pls send help
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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