just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
