Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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