my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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