I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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