Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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