I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
