At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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