Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
