I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
