Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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